I was requested to lead the opening Prayer and introduce the new leadership at our first meeting held yesterday. I had agreed a few days earlier but as the time drew near I found myself heavy hearted and reluctant to do so.
In a very short period of time, the new team out of zeal or unfettered enthusiasm decided to make swift changes. So swift in fact that they did not even accord the members affected any notification, even though I had assumed they had done so. But it was on another decision they had decided to enforce which weighed heavily on my mind. They had decided to override a decision made earlier by our Spiritual Director of which I had already announced to the rest of the members. Even though they managed to convince the Spiritual Director to change it, I felt the implications of what they wanted to do was going to be damaging.
I spent a good part of the day praying for a way out. Even searching for Spiritual direction from a few books. I could not miss the meeting because I had invited a new member to join. But at the same time I felt I could not bring myself to lead the opening Prayer with such a heavy heart. Then as I opened a page to a book I was reading, it read :
‘The ego cannot be allowed to be totally in charge throughout our early years, or it takes over. The entirely open field leaves us the victim of too many options, and the options themselves soon push us around and take control. Law and structure, as fallible as they often are, put up some kind of limits to our infantile grandiosity, and prepare us for helpful relationships with the outer world, which has rights too.’
Keywords such ‘ego’ and ‘infantile grandiosity’ rang loudly in my ears. And I decided to wait humbly on the Lord for direction in Adoration which was to take place later that evening before moving off for our meeting. When I stepped into the Adoration room and knelt down before Him, I began to feel His love embrace me. And as the Adoration progressed, coupled with the background praise and worship songs which seeped in from Auditorium beside us, I was simply enthralled. Such joy and love filled my heart that I was no longer burdened in the least. Then I began to hear and see not only how I was to lead the opening Prayer but also how I was to introduce the team.
During the meeting proper, the decision to change what they had initially proposed was changed on the spot, to something far better than I could have hoped for. All because I waited on the Lord! Praise the Lord!
While there will be a few expected bumps along the way due to the teething period. And as long as we remain focused on Him, our Lord will lead us on.
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